When the Heart Hurts at Work: Understanding Grief After a Breakup
We often talk about grief as something that follows death. We offer condolences, we send cards, and workplaces may even have policies to support bereaved employees. But what about the other forms of grief? The ones that don’t come with flowers or sympathy cards?
Breakups, particularly long-term ones, can leave a person navigating a profound and complex kind of grief. Whether it’s the end of a marriage, a long-term partnership, or a deep emotional connection, the loss can echo through every part of a person’s life, including their work.
Grief Beyond Death
When a relationship ends, it isn’t just the person that’s lost. It’s shared routines, future plans, and often, a sense of identity. This kind of grief can be invisible, because there’s no cultural script for it. No “compassionate leave” for heartbreak. Yet emotionally, the brain processes relational loss in very similar ways to bereavement.
The person grieving may experience:
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Fluctuations in energy or motivation
Emotional overwhelm or numbness
Sleep disturbances and physical fatigue
Moments of intense sadness or irritability
And all of this can play out while they’re still showing up to meetings, replying to emails, and trying to appear “fine.”
Why It Matters in the Workplace
We bring our whole selves to work, even when we don’t mean to. When someone is dealing with personal grief, their performance and emotional bandwidth naturally fluctuate. Yet in the workplace, heartbreak is often minimised or hidden because it doesn’t fit neatly into policy or process.
As HR professionals, managers, and colleagues, we need to make space for this quieter kind of grief. Support doesn’t always mean grand gestures. It can be as simple as:
A line manager checking in privately and showing genuine care
Allowing flexibility for time off or adjusted workloads
Providing access to mental health or wellbeing support
Fostering a culture where personal struggles aren’t met with silence
Compassion in the workplace doesn’t have to depend on the “type” of loss; it’s about recognising that humans are not machines. Emotional pain impacts focus, creativity, and resilience. When we acknowledge that, we create environments that help people heal while staying connected.
Grief Takes Many Forms
Grief isn’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet, showing up in the pauses between tasks or the moments someone stares at their screen a little too long. It can be grief for a person, a dream, or a version of life that no longer exists.
By widening our understanding of what grief looks like, we can build more empathetic and humane workplaces. The kind that see people not just as employees, but as whole individuals carrying complex stories and emotions.
Because at the end of the day, healing doesn’t happen on a schedule. And that’s okay.